Meeting the Individual Where They Are: A Concept with Wide-Reaching Application

Autism Awareness and Acceptance Month offers an opportunity for professionals and leaders to reconsider the systems and programs we create to support autistic children and adults. One question I always consider is this: Who is being asked to adapt? Too often, programs are designed with fixed expectations, and autistic individuals accessing these programs are expected to meet those expectations. When that happens, we may unintentionally prioritize compliance over connection. This is not always intentional. In many cases, it comes from a desire to help. But it is still critical that we ask the question and make adjustments to how our systems and programs meet individuals where they are.  

A developmental, relationship-based approach invites a different starting point. It asks us to meet the individual where they are. That means taking the time to understand how an autistic person experiences the world, their sensory processing, their emotional regulation, their interests, their ways of engaging, etc.

It also helps us move beyond a one-sided view of misunderstanding. The concept of the double empathy problem reminds us that when communication breaks down, it is not necessarily a deficit within the autistic individual. It is a mismatch between two people trying to understand each other from different perspectives. When we expect the autistic individual to fit the program, we often place the full burden of that mismatch on the autistic person. When we meet the individual where they are, we begin to share that responsibility. We adjust, we listen differently, and we create space for mutual understanding.

In this way, meeting the autistic individual where they are is not only developmentally sound, it is more accepting and more neuroaffirming. It reflects a respect for difference rather than an attempt to override it.

When we shift in this way, we are not lowering expectations. We are aligning them with development and with a deeper understanding of human connection. This month, perhaps another reflection to consider is this: Are we asking autistic people to fit into our programs, or are we shaping our programs to truly support the autistic individuals in front of us?