Monday, March 23, 2020

Tips for Parents on Supporting Your Child’s Social Emotional Health During This Time of Social Distancing


One of the best ways to think about supporting you child’s social emotional health is to use the first six Functional Emotional Developmental Capacities (FEDCs) as a guide. With each capacity, we can do things that can help our children stay calm, regulated, engaged, active, happy, connected, thinking, and overall more stable emotionally and physically.

FEDC 1: Self-Regulation and Interest in the World

Think about what you do to keep yourself in that “just right zone”. That zone where you are alert enough to accomplish all that you need to do and yet not so over-the-top that you are frazzled and all over the place. Most people will do things like exercise, walk, meditate, stretch, play or talk with others, or turn to caffeine for a boost. Let’s skip the last one on that list as far as our kids because that usually backfires when it comes to young ones and lots of Starbucks are closed now anyway. If you think about all of the others, the common thread is that each one of these activities help to integrate both our minds and our bodies. Each one involves breathing and intentional control of our body. (Even talking to others actually helps us gain control of our breathing. Did you even notice when you are venting to someone you start off breathing fairly quickly and sometimes you may even feel hyper? But, after you vent to a friend and talk for a bit, your body calms down and, if you pay attention, your breathing calms down.)

For our kids, this often naturally happens because they are kids…they run, they jump, they play. But, when they are stuck in the house, it can come to a grinding halt.

The Tip:

The tip here would be to make sure you get your kids moving or at least doing things that intentionally integrate their bodies and minds. If moving is not as much of an option, meditation and stretching can be great alternatives. But, make sure you are helping them focus on their breathing and them feeling where their bodies are in space. We are complex systems and we need organization and integration. A primary way we get that is by “activating” our minds and bodies in an integrated way. During this time of social distancing and, for many, sheltering in place, you will need to be more intentional about this.  Make sure your kids get at least one, if not two or more "doses" of this a day.  A "dose" can be as short as 15 minutes. 

The Special Secret Sauce:

The special secret sauce to the above tip is to join in with your child and use lots of emotion. Express yourself. Show lots of animation. Show lots of emotional expression in your face and your gestures. There is science behind this because affect (or emotional expression) is a key integrator of the mind and body. But, you don’t have to worry about the science. Just think about being very expressive and joyful as you help your child engage in these types of activities. Them doing it on their own will help, but you doing it with them…well, that is the special secret sauce. You both will benefit…I promise.

By the way, this applies for all kids. Whether they have a developmental challenge or not. Heck, it applies to all of us, of any age, of any make-up. We all feel better when we are in that just right zone. And if you engage in this with your kids, you may find that you don't feel as bad about all the Starbucks that are closed right now.  You'll end up finding that not only will your child get into that just right zone, so will you - caffeine free 😊.

If you are on Facebook, follow us on Facebook.  Our Floortime experts post great ideas about this all the time.  

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Thank you for your comment. -Jeff