DIR is Needed More Than Ever

The challenges of coping with the impacts of this novel coronavirus are immense.  Both globally and personally.  Stress like this challenges us at our core…again, both globally and personally.  Now more than ever, we need the perspectives and guidance that models like DIR provide.  I want to take a moment to explore this in two ways.  First, how a Developmental, Individual-differences, and Relationship-based model builds the foundation for us to be able to deal with these stressors and secondly, how we can use DIR and DIRFloortime as a way to not only cope with the current stress, but to also grow in a fundamental and critical way during this time of increased stress. 

The Foundation

Developmental (The “D” of DIR):  Situations like this require that we cope with new, unfamiliar, and intense stressors and for us to navigate uncharted waters.  The ability to do this does not lie merely in our skills or knowledge.  This is because many of the things we are facing do not exactly match up with what we have learned or experienced before.  Mere training and education do not cut it.  What we need is a core capacity to cope (self regulation), communicate, and reason.  These core capacities can be applied to any situation and those that have a deep capacity for coping, communicating, and reasoning are those that will fare the best during this time of increased stress and may end up being the people that many of us will rely on in these times of uncertainty.  Those that have a deep capacity for coping, communicating, and reasoning can maintain the requisite self-regulation to be able to communicate about the current situation and then apply knowledge and information in a way that can help reason through this unique and new situation. 

Individual Differences (The “I” of DIR): Understanding the unique ways each of us perceives and interacts with the world is critical.  That personal insight can help us understand why our bodies and minds may take in certain information in particular ways and why we may have a certain unique response to this information.  This also apples to understanding others like our children.  Why do some of us, even with all of the warnings stating we need to practice intense social distancing, have such a hard time with maintaining the current recommended social distances?  For some, it is how we are “wired.”  Many can become intensely distressed and depressed when the regular close connections are impeded in some way.  On the other hand, others may seem to welcome the release of the stress of constantly having to deal with closer social interactions.  Having that personal insight and being able to act upon it can help us find ways to mitigate for these individual differences.  This applies for ourselves, our children, our family, and for others we support in some way.  This is just one example…there are many ways we each perceive and interact with the world that impact our day-to-day functioning and in times of more intense stress, can both support and hinder our ability to deal with the stress.

Relationships (The “R” of DIR):  We are social beings.  We are born dependent on our relationship with our parents or caregivers.  Even though as we grow and mature, we are able to handle much more of what the world presents on our own, we still need relationships for helping us cope and sort out challenges.  So much happens in the context of relationships with others.  In DIR, we understand the power of relationships and we use these human connections as a primary way to promote and fuel development.  Often times, those that do not understand DIR, will make comments like “You are just playing with the child.  You are not teaching them anything.”  This observation is short-sighted and misses the point.  I think many are now experiencing how important relationships are in this time of stress.  We turn to each other to cope and manage the stress.  Why?  Because we need relationships.  Whether that is a personal relationship with a loved one, or a relationship with our leaders that we want to hear from to tell us what is being done to battle this virus.  Humans are “wired” to be in relation with others.  Some of us may want this to be less intense than others, which is fine.  But nevertheless, we all rely on relationships to grow, develop, and cope. 

How can DIR and DIRFloortime help us in this moment?

First of all, the intense stress can expose how well, or not so well, we cope, communicate, and reason through the intense stress we are under.  This can lead to an incredible opportunity to develop these core capacities.  When I train groups on crisis management, I almost always talk about how, when we are in crisis, our anxiety rises and our defenses weaken leaving us often feeling more vulnerable than ever.  This personal vulnerability can be a risk, but it also can be an opportunity.  If we recognize it is happening and understand it, we actually have the opportunity to promote development in a much more rapid and effective way.  If we can apply the principles of DIR and Floortime to promote the development of the core developmental capacities, we can help ourselves, our children, and others in our care, develop the foundational capacities that will help them deal with today ,tomorrow, and any novel stressors life presents in the years to come. 

Thinking about individual differences, now more than ever it is important for us to gain a deeper understanding of how we, and our children, perceive and interact with the world.  Taking time to explore this and learn about this can dramatically increase our ability to cope.  Lacking these insights is like walking around with a blindfold on with our hands tied behind our backs.  Also, gaining an understanding of others in our lives including our children, can help move us from responding in frustration or anger, to responding with compassion and support.  We all have our own unique “wiring” and now more than ever, we need to increase our insight into our own individual profile as well as our children’s.  When we do this, we are better able to support the areas that need support and benefit from the areas that are sources of strength.

Finally, in regards to relationships.  Now more than ever we need each other.  Our relationships with others can help us deal with our current stress.  Furthermore, as I mentioned above, this crisis can present unique opportunities for growth and development and we know that relationships fuel that growth and development.  While we are spending much time looking at news reports, preparing the practical things necessary to deal with our personal and professional situations, let’s also focus on leaning into relationships and taking this opportunity to connect with each other more than ever.  This will help us each personally, it will help our children, and it will help our communities. 

Together we will find ways to navigate this uncharted water and we will find our way.  Many are saying that we can become stronger as a result of this crisis.  What they are really meaning by “stronger” is that we can build upon our core capacities for coping, communicating, and reasoning.  If you are not that familiar with DIR, I urge you to take a look.  I am certain the information will help.  If you are familiar with DIR, make sure you don’t forget what you know.  Sometimes when we are under stress we can get very focused on what we need to do and we can lose focus on some of the fundamentals that DIR promotes.    

This weekend ICDL will be announcing more programs for parents and professionals.  Our goal is to provide increased support for families at reduced or no cost and to increase access to training for professionals.  Now more than ever, our children need professionals that understand development, individual differences, and relationships.  So, we are making adjustments to our training program that will make it more accessible to professionals in the face of the current situation.  Please check our website www.icdl.com in the coming days for updates.