Collapsing the Play Triangle

I often end up in a conversation with parents and professionals I am coaching about what I call “collapsing the play triangle”. The image I create is of a triangle with the child at one point of the triangle, the adult (parent or professional) at another, and a toy at the third point.  Oftentimes I see parents and professionals putting forward lots of energy in getting the child to focus on the point of the triangle that has the toy.  This can be good because joint attention where the adult and the child are both engaged with the toy together is a very healthy and joyful process.  However, I very much want parents and professionals to think about how to collapse the triangle in a way that the adult becomes the play object. When this happens, the adult is the toy and thereby in playing with the toy the child is playing with the adult.  Essentially the triangle collapses and the child is interacting with the toy and the adult at the same time because the adult is the toy.  We hear adults often say as they reflect back on their process of learning DIR, “I had to learn how to play.”  I think becoming the play object is the biggest shift that is central to that reflective statement.  Adults often focus on finding ways of getting the child to attend to a toy or focus on a toy and say things like ,”look” or “see” or "come" as they present the toy in an exciting way.  But, that all changes if you realize that you are the best toy in the room. When you become the toy, when the child is intentionally playing with you, their brains are “lighting up” with connections and activity that is REALLY good for them.  Please keep in mind, this is not forcing the child to play with you or to interact in a way that creates distress.  This is about using rich affect and joy in an inviting and respectful way that creates the opportunity for engaging together.  It creates the opportunity for shared joy and circles of communication.  Simply put, it crates the opportunity for development.  So next time you play with a child, see how many play triangles you can collapse.